What should an adult do to promote a child’s development?

Should adults be involved in children’s development? The question sounds almost rhetorical: of course they should—especially given how much we now know about the importance of the early years for a child’s future. Yet this awareness of responsibility often turns into a heavy burden.

Am I doing enough? What if I’m missing something important? What if tomorrow it’s already too late?
And the more an adult knows about child development, the more frightening it can sometimes feel.

Paradoxically, it is precisely these worries that can be the most harmful thing a child receives from their parents.

In reality, understanding the patterns of child development does not take away a sense of freedom and lightness—it restores it.

And the main principle can be expressed like this:

“One step in learning — a hundred steps in development.”

This fundamental idea—one step in learning, a hundred steps in development—was formulated by the psychologist Lev Vygotsky. Whatever you do with a child with genuine interest and involvement—collecting toy cars, building LEGO space stations, or reading stories about Findus—many essential capacities develop at the same time: a sense of security, thinking, imagination, understanding others, and the ability to regulate one’s own behaviour.

From this, several important conclusions follow:

• Above all, children need trust and the joy of being together with their parents.
  Not constant instruction or correction, but a feeling of emotional safety and shared interest.
• Children have enormous inner developmental potential, and the adult’s task is to support it—primarily by not interfering with its natural unfolding.
  Development does not require constant stimulation; it requires space, time, and acceptance.
• It is not necessary to do everything.
  It is enough to do one thing—but to do it with enjoyment. You can play what genuinely interests you yourself, because adults often lack precisely those qualities that are actively developing in preschool children: curiosity, playfulness, imagination, and the freedom to try without fear of mistakes.

What Helps Adults Create Favourable Conditions for Children’s Development?

The “Presumption of Trust”

Confidence that everything will be all right for the child is not the result of development—it is one of its essential conditions. The so-called Pygmalion effect, or self-fulfilling prophecy, described by psychologist Robert Rosenthal, shows that adults’ expectations of children directly influence how children develop.

This means that although risks and difficulties are part of life, it is important for adults to trust that the child is generally doing well, is loved, and will be able to take from the surrounding world what they need for development. An attitude such as “you are all right; things are going well for you” supports growth far more effectively than constant worry or vigilance.

Of course, this attitude is much easier to sustain for adults who treat themselves in a similar way: who forgive themselves for inevitable imperfections and allow themselves to recognise that they are a “good enough parent.”

The “Presumption of Meaning”

It is equally important to treat the child as a person who—within the possibilities of their age—is capable of noticing things that adults may overlook, and more broadly, as a unique individual who has never existed before.

The presumption of meaning allows adults to look at children’s drawings with genuine interest, to listen attentively to children’s stories, and to be curious about the unexpected rather than focusing only on what they expect to hear. Such openness to another person is the basis of any meaningful communication and friendship—and this is especially true in relationships with children.

You Decide

Being sensitive and understanding towards children is essential. However, it is just as important to be attentive to yourself. When all of life becomes entirely child-centred, it can turn into a strain for adults, who also have their own needs, rhythms, and interests.

For the child, too, the sense that an adult depends on them can be burdensome. When responsibility for decisions—where to go, what to wear, what to eat—is shifted onto the child, it creates insecurity rather than freedom.

You can and should support children’s initiative, listen to their point of view, and take their needs seriously—but the adult remains the one who decides, because they have greater experience and understanding of how the world works.

For a child, knowing that “the adult decides” provides a sense of reliability and stability.

Support and the Ability to Respond

Development is a subtle, often invisible process that unfolds within the child. For adults, the most important skill is attentiveness: noticing what is happening, what captures the child’s interest, and what evokes an emotional response.

It is essential to catch the wave of the child’s interest. When this happens, adult suggestions and initiatives are usually met with enthusiasm rather than resistance. The sequence matters: first observe and notice; then act.

The Joy of Togetherness

One of the central outcomes of preschool development—though not the only one—is a sense of self-acceptance and identity:
“I am good. I am loved. The world is not dangerous. I am protected.”

For this, it is enough for the child to have nearby an accepting adult who interacts with them with warmth and confidence that “things are all right.” Children are exceptionally sensitive to emotional tone. The first thing they “read” in any interaction is whether it is infused with calm and joy—or with anxiety.

It is therefore crucial that adults engage with children in activities that genuinely interest the adults themselves. This may sound surprising, but adult interest matters enormously, because curiosity and enjoyment are contagious.

When you are wondering what to do with a child, it can be helpful—at least initially—to turn towards your own inner child. Perhaps you once wished you had played more with LEGO, had access to certain paints, read particular books, or collected toy cars. There is no guarantee that your child will share these interests—and it is important not to impose them—but allowing yourself to reconnect with something that brings you joy can become a valuable shared experience.

Children’s “interest” is, in general, a very subtle phenomenon. For instance, when adults say that “a child is not interested in reading,” it often turns out that reading does not play a significant role in the adults’ own lives. Another reliable way to undermine interest is constant concern that the child must always be occupied. Children readily absorb this atmosphere of anxiety and may reasonably conclude that the activity is something to endure rather than enjoy.

Do what genuinely interests you.

How to Support

Respond, notice, and stay curious. Show interest: listen, be surprised, share emotions, and ask questions—when the other person is ready to continue the conversation.

In any interaction—and especially with a child—sensitivity is key: sensing what is appropriate in the moment and what is not. Knowing when to ask questions, and when it is enough to nod, hug, or smile.

Everyday communication is extraordinarily fine-tuned. It is sometimes astonishing how many subtle tasks we manage simultaneously in even the simplest exchanges. When there is a presumption of trust and a presumption of meaning—that is, a belief that understanding is possible—communication tends to find its own way.

How to Create an Educational Environment That “Develops by Itself”

Above all, this means creating conditions for play and experimentation, where the child initiates action independently.

For this, it is important that the child has:

• Time for free activity
• Materials that can become many different things and invite experimentation (fabrics and pegs, sand and water, blocks and paint, boxes and cardboard tubes)
• Space where they can build, draw, model, make dens, and unfold play

Creating such opportunities does not mean that adult life in the same household must become chaotic or uncomfortable. Taking other people’s needs into account, recognising real-life constraints, and negotiating shared rules are themselves important developmental experiences—and children should not be excluded from them.

Discussing boundaries, space, and rules around play is part of everyday life and an important part of development.

Adults may notice that they themselves lack some of the qualities they wish to nurture in children. Unfortunately, modern education often neglects abilities that are essential for life—and sometimes even contributes to their decline.

But this is not a cause for pessimism. At any age, an adult can become curious about something new and gain experiences that support development. And an engaged adult—absorbed in something genuinely meaningful—is one of the most powerful factors in a child’s development.